24 August 2009
How People Go Through Life, Part I
Posted by Moss under: Personal/Self .
I’ve been thinking lately about how people are dealing with the economic difficulties that they have been experiencing. They face a shaky economy, unpredictable markets, housing and banking industries in survival mode, unemployment rising and home foreclosures very close to home. Many are working harder and earning less. Retirement savings have lost substantial value. Many are frustrated, angry or scared. What are they to do to manage these difficult times?
I recently had an opportunity to work with two individuals in a coaching situation. Their different ways of handling stress and worry point to an interesting observation. While they both are experiencing considerable tension in their lives, they bring different approaches to cope with their respective situations
Jack is a 36-year-old sales person who works in a family business. He is in considerable debt, miserable in his marriage, overweight, fights with his cousins who work in the business. He complains and blames others for his unhappiness. He accuses his father of being unfair and not giving him more sales opportunities or increasing his commission percentage.
He views his wife as a “burden to bear.” She spends too much, does a lousy job cleaning the house, wastes time on the phone, and doesn’t have sex with him enough. I’m sure you’ve heard versions of the same from people you know. Maybe you might see a little of yourself in his story.
Let’s look at Beth. Beth is a 40-year-old nurse. She does not like her current work situation. She describes her boss as demanding, aggressive, verbally abusive, dishonest and a “penny pincher.” While this might sound somewhat like Jack, Beth takes a different approach in terms of responsibility and personal power. She focuses on the fact that she is the one who chose to work with him, is aware that she can accommodate and give in too much in order to keep the peace, and internalize her emotional feelings to the point of having stomach aches and fatigue. She realizes that she does not have to remain in his office, can assert herself more powerfully and learn to stand up for herself and say “NO” every once in a while. Beth looks at her future and what options she might have.
So, what’s the difference between Jack and Beth in terms of how they choose to cope with their circumstances? Beth sees that she has a choice. Jack feels trapped with no other option but to rail against his perceived enemies. Beth is what I call a Survivor on her way to becoming a Navigator. Jack is a Victim. Beth takes responsibility, Jack blames. Beth thinks about what she can do to change the quality of her life, Jack looks for revenge. Beth is a visionary, someone looking for a better future, Jack is a prisoner to his past.
